singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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