Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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