just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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