Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
