Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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