1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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