she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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