your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
