What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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