mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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