I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
