i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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