I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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