that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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