the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
