she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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