idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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