i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
