I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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