I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
