Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
