I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize