you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
