from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
And then he peed in my hair
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