Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well I just put wine in my tea
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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