ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
