u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
