the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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