just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it glows. i had to have it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
