Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
