i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
