i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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