Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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