Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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