my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
