i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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