everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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