a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
