Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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