Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
