It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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