I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
