he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
