A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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