i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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