My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
