Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
