it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Pooping to opera.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
