i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
