I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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