my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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