Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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