it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
