Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
