I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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