i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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