"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
