There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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