I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
