What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
