God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
