its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Houston, we have a blender
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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