actually, I'm a sock model
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Randomize
