pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
