We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
