I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
