I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
