Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
