She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
